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YOU'LL LOVE EM Variety joke !!!!?

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife, dressed in a very> Sexy>> nightgown. "Tie me up," she purred "and you can do whatever you want.">> So I tied her up and went golfing.> >********************* **************************** The woman *>>>> came home, screeching her car in the driveway, and ran a> The house>>. He closed the door and shouted at the top of their lungs,> "Honey,>> Pack your bags. I won the lottery! ">> The husband said," Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or> mountains>> things? "" Never mind, "he said." Go. "> >*********************************** ******* ********>>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the>> other is a husband.

very good! deep in a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and slammed into the ground. After recovering, slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the cow turned to his companion. "Dear", which sounded, "I it's time to tell him he's adopted. "————————————– — —————————————- The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual happened last week. Little Irving got up to read yours. "Papa fell in the last week and -" he began. "My God, cried Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is it okay now?" "He must be," said little Irving. "He paused for help yesterday." —————————————– ——— —————————— A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was very familiar with its very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic aversion therapy. "When you go to sleep tonight, take one of his cigars, open, and fully adhere to the ass. Then remove it, wrap again and put it back with all others in such fashion as you can not say one is. The aversion is obvious: you do not dare smoke any of them, without knowing which is the treated cigar. " Thanks doctor, I will try. "And he did. But three weeks later he returned and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation did not work? Was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, like yours is! "" Well, what kind of work, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction, "said the patient." What hell is that supposed to mean? "" Well, I do not smoke cigars but now I can not go to sleep at night unless you have a cigar shoved up my ass … "—————————– ————————————————– – A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend says, "You look terrible. What is the problem? "" My mother died in June, and left me $ 10,000. "said the friend." Wow, that's difficult, "he said." Then, in July, "the friend continued," My father died and left me $ 50,000. "The man looking concerned says," Wow. Two parents goes two months. No wonder you're depressed. "The friend adds:" And last month my aunt died and left me 15,000 dollars. "" Three close family members lost in three months? How sad! "" Then this month ,…" continued, the friend, "Nothing! No is a penny! "———————————— ——– ———————————— A woman approaches an old man sitting in a chair in his porch. "I could help noticing how happy you look, "he said." What is your secret to a long and happy life? "" I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, never exercise, "he said." Wow, that's incredible, "he said," How old are you? "" Twenty-six years. "